“Is it I, Rabbi?” It would seem that the betrayer Judas asked this of Christ after a pause, when all the other Apostles were finished with their self-questioning. The eleven were shocked at Our Lord’s words prophesying that one of them would betray Him. The Master had just washed their feet and, having completed this lesson, which was not only an example to foster humility among them but also an interior washing of their souls, He assured them that they were all clean — all but one, for He knew who it was that would betray Him. Now, He repeated it again: “One of you is about to betray me. . . . The Son of man indeed goeth, as it is written of him: but woe to that man by whom the Son of man shall be betrayed: it were better for him, if that man had not been born. And Judas that betrayed him, answering, asked: Is it I, Rabbi? He saith to him: Thou hast said it” (Matt. 26:21,24&25). Saint John tells us that when Jesus said this He was “troubled in spirit” (13:21). This was the beginning of Christ’s agony unto death. It was the first blow to be delivered to His Sacred Heart, the perverseness of the prevaricator whom He had chosen and still loved: “For even the man of peace, in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, hath greatly supplanted me” (Psalm 40:10).
Judas pretended to be scandalized the day before when Mary, the sister of Lazarus, poured precious spikenard over Jesus’ feet and wiped His feet with her hair. “Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor”? he murmured aloud. Nor was he the only one of the twelve who questioned the appropriateness of this “waste;” however, with Judas the objection came from avarice, because as Saint John relates, he had no concern for the poor, but rather because he had charge of the common purse and he was “a thief.” (John 12:6)
This was not the occasion that caused Judas to harden his heart and become malicious. You can almost sense the malice in reading his words of murmur, a cynical malice to be sure. Whence did that darkness arise? What was it that turned a disciple into an angry critic?
It was the doctrine of the Eucharist, which Our Lord had announced a short time before in Capharnaum at the synagogue. It was this revelation, this challenge of Faith, that scandalized Judas, perhaps even “embarrassing” him; after all, they were in the presence of the elders and the rabbis of the city. Rather than walk away with the others however, who found this doctrine “hard,” Judas was too attached to break away on his own. Attached to what, you may ask? To Jesus? No, not any longer, not after this. What, then, kept him in the company of the Apostles? I would have to say it was the purse, and, perhaps, a futile hope that maybe the Lord didn’t mean exactly what He said. Either way, the thief was scandalized. If Jesus did not mean what He said, then Judas would have still been disappointed in Him. One can imagine him saying to himself: “Why, then, did you let so many walk away? Why did you keep repeating your teaching so insistently, so forcefully, so literally? How can you blame them for leaving”? On the other hand he knew the Master. He knew that Jesus meant exactly what He said. Therefore, the glory days were over. Miracles or not, the traitor thought, this doctrine is too much to take; the Jews will not accept it; it’s absurd. Indeed it was, if weighed only by reason. Therefore, Jesus drew a line: “Will you also go away”? He asked the twelve. Saint Peter spoke up for Faith. Jesus was the Son God, therefore “the Rock” asked, “To whom shall we go, Lord? Thou hast the words of eternal life.” Pleased by this loyal profession, Jesus responds: “Have I not chosen you twelve?” And, knowing what had been sown in the heart of Judas, He added, “And one of you is a devil.”
Alas for Judas! He knew that Jesus had signaled him out, even if not publicly by name. He knew that he was “the devil” of whom Christ spoke. But he was wrapped in the cover of his own blindness. He knew that he was seen, but he refused to see and be healed.
After the revelation of the Eucharist, even the raising of Lazarus would not soften the heart of this devil. So great was the traitor’s malice over the challenge given at Capharnaum, that he was determined from that moment to undermine Jesus, to betray His innocent blood, to have Him destroyed, and in so doing break the hope of His disciples. This, he imagined, would vindicate his betrayal. Trying to justify himself and assuage his conscience, he reasoned that Jesus had lost His grip, His wisdom, at Capharnaum. He let them down. For this, He deserved to die. So, the thief went to the enemy to make a deal.
“And said to them: What will you give me, and I will deliver him unto you? But they appointed him thirty pieces of silver” (Matt 26:15). This clandestine business occurred on Wednesday, the third day after the Savior’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem. It is called “Spy Wednesday,” because, after leaving the priests, Judas began looking for a chance to lead Our Lord into their hands without the notice of the people.
Coming back again to the scene at the Last Supper, I am struck by Judas’ nerve, born of malice and cynicism. “Is it I, Rabbi?” He is the last to ask the question. Prior to this, after Our Lord’s first announcement of His intimate and imminent betrayal as they had begun to eat at table, each of the other Apostles (one by one, Saint Mark has it) asked “Is it I, Lord?” Judas did not address Christ as “Lord,” but “Rabbi.” Rabbi means “Master,” or “Teacher.” He used the same address as he approached Our Lord later that night in the Garden, in order to deliver Him to the mob and the temple police that had come with him. “Hail Rabbi,” he said, as he delivered the malicious kiss, by which he indicated beforehand to the priests that that would be the sign he would give so that their guards would know whom to seize.
What kind of a coward is this traitor? He cannot even admit his betrayal openly while he is executing it. Even at that sinister torch-lit moment he hopes to remain in the dark, lest his betrayal be too manifest before his fellows. So he hides behind a kiss. Judas, you cannot hide anymore. “Friend, dost thou betray me with a kiss?” You could have heard the word, Judas, had you listened. Your “Rabbi” would still have had you as His friend; you could have had His forgiveness. Instead of hanging yourself from a tree, you could have hung for Him and with Him from the tree of a cross.
“Yes, it is you, Judas,” Jesus replied to the traitor’s question. “Thou hast said it!”
Did the others not hear this? One of the eleven, or more, must have, because the words are recorded in the Gospel of Saint Matthew. Not that the exchange could not have been revealed to Matthew by the Holy Ghost whilst he wrote, but it would seem more likely that the exchange with Judas was heard by at least Saint John. Nevertheless, Judas remained at table after that, for the third and final passing of the cup, when he would sacrilegiously partake of that mystery that had scandalized him only months before at Capharnaum. Saints Augustine, Jerome, Chrysostom, Cyril, and other fathers and doctors (although the opinion is not unanimous) held that Judas did receive the Eucharist, which was instituted during the ceremony of the final passing of the cup. Matthew and Mark are not as clear about this particular sequence as is Luke, for in the latter’s Gospel Judas is clearly still at table after the consecration and the distribution of the Bread and Wine.
After the Communion, Saint John, upon the urging of Saint Peter, whispers the question directly to the ear of Jesus as he leaned upon His breast, “Who is it, Lord?” Who is about to betray thee? And Jesus answers:
“He it is to whom I shall reach bread dipped. And when he had dipped the bread, he gave it to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon. And after the morsel, Satan entered into him. And Jesus said to him: That which thou dost, do quickly. . . . He therefore having received the morsel, went out immediately. And it was night (John 13:26-30).
Let us join the Apostles in questioning ourselves often: “Is it I, Lord?” Let us repeat with Saint Peter and the other good Apostles, but in the spirit of a humble trust and honest self-knowledge: “Although all shall be scandalized in thee, I will never be scandalized” (Matt. 26:33). Let us implore His grace many times every day, for without it we are nothing — worse than that, without His grace we would indeed be scandalized in Him, we might even betray Him. This is another reason to love the Blessed Mother and implore her intercession. Had Judas run to her, in true repentance and hope, Our Lord would have never said of him: “it were better . . . if that man had not been born” (Matt. 26:24).
