To Saint Felix of Valois, the Prayer of a Modernist

Saint Felix, Oh nonexistent founder of the Trinitarians! Pray for the Christian captives whose cause thou so admirably took up, despite the fact that thou art a mere pious legend. Pray for France, the cradle of thy Order, and whose eponymous Royal House showed her gratitude by perpetuating the holy charade so zealously. Be pleased to pray for us, too, we skeptical revisionist hagiographers. We, too, beg thy loving prayers; for, despite our reticence to believe in thee, we know that Holy Mother Church has lavished the cultus duliae upon thee for centuries. None of this could possibly be wasted in God’s marvelous economy; surely someone up there gets thy messages!

We beseech thee, take not our demythologizing personally!

Oh, do pray for us! For it is a burden to be so brilliant that we were the only ones to find out, and this in such recent times, that thou wert entirely concocted by the Trinitarian Order. Such burdens of intellectual honesty can lead to pride, so we beseech thee to intercede that we may deeply cultivate thy profound Christian humility. And how much greater humility could there be than complete non-existence! Therefore, we blush not to ask thy prayers for this virtue, fully confident that, although thou livest as a mere second nocturn, our prayers will be heard and answered.


(Partial indulgence, under highly unusual conditions.)

Saint Felix of Valois (source)

Saint Felix of Valois? (source)